Darwin Awards honor the dead this Halloween!

It’s Halloween and what better way to honor the dead this day than with the Darwin Awards! Here’s some past and present stories of how people improve the species… by accidentally removing themselves from it!

CONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Mummy Says, Don’t Smoke
“Another Incentive to Kick the Habit”

For Halloween 1998, a Canadian man dressed as a mummy by wrapping himself from head to toe in fluffy cotton batting. The cotton was taped at the wrists and ankles, and white gloves and running shoes completed his ensemble. As the mummy waited for his girlfriend to dress for pictures, he carelessly lit a cigarette… and the fluffy cotton burst into flames.

The reason for flame-retardant costumes became clear.

Firefighters arrived within minutes, yet already the mummy costume was reduced to ashes, right down to the white coveralls underneath. The man kept repeating, “It’s my fault.” He was taken to Soldier’s Memorial Hospital with 2nd and 3rd degree burns, where he died.

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1998-11.html

CONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Steel Steal
“Gravity Still Works”

July 2007, Czech Republic | A pack of thieves attempted to steal scrap metal from an abandoned factory in Kladno. Unfortunately for them, they selected the steel girders that supported the factory roof. When the roof supports were dismantled, the roof fell, fatally crushing two thieves and injuring three others.

June 2007, Philippines | Three entrepreneurs planned to profit from stolen scrap metal. They entered a former US military complex and approached the prize: an abandoned water tank. Bedazzled by the potential upside, the three threw logic to the wind, and began to cut the metal legs out from under the tank. Guess where it fell?

Straight onto the thieves.

Darwin notes, “What are these thieves doing, playing a deadly game of Jenga?! This entire category may soon become too common, in violation of the Rule of Excellence. See Scrap Metal Thieves and Barn Demolition.”

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-09.html
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-02.html
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1997-03.html

UNCONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Death of Dracula

1994 | A college student dressed up as Dracula for Halloween. For the finishing touch, he put a pine board down the front of his shirt, so he could stick a knife into the board and pretend he was transfixed with a killing stake. He didn’t consider the strength of the thin pine board when he tapped in the knife with a hammer.

Propelled by the force of the hammer, the sharp knife tip split the soft wood and buried itself in his heart. He staggered from his dorm room into the party, gasping, “I really did it!” before succumbing before horrified friends.

REFERENCE: Dead Men Do Tell Tales by William R. Maples, Ph.D., 1994
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1993-09.html

CONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Beer for Bears

August 2007, Serbia | It’s well known that alcohol impairs judgement. It’s well known that carnivorous wild animals and humans don’t mix. What happens when we combine all three? One might expect men, bears, and beer to combine with lethal consequences. Such was the case for a 23-year old man who inadvertently fed himself to Masha and Misha at the Belgrade Zoo.

The Zoo director said of the incident, “Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage.”

The man’s naked, mauled corpse was found inside the bear habitat, along with several mobile phones, bricks, and plenty of beer cans. His clothes were completely undamaged, suggesting that he approached the bears bare-naked. The bears, fearing that his intentions were as dishonorable as they were ill-informed, meted out a summary justice.

Later, Masha and Misha “reacted angrily” when keepers tried to recover the man’s corpse, but were eventually persuaded to give up their tasty prize. We await word on how many beers were bartered for the body.

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-08.html